Communication
at the work place - II
Dear
Dana,
I read your article
about ‘love’ in the workplace and how we need to try
and communicate with people we work with from a ‘place of
love’. I cannot imagine doing this with my boss, who doesn’t
even know my name or even what I do. How do you suggest communicating
with someone like that?
Dear Speechless,
Thank you for your letter.
Communicating from a place of openness and love is by no means
an easy task, especially in a workplace where everyone is busy
and task oriented. In fact, I imagine if you were to even mention
the words ‘openness’ and ‘love’ in your
workplace you would probably be laughed out of the building.
It sounds like your
boss is a very busy and task oriented worker. He probably sees
you as a tool for achieving his company goals. Whether he changes
the way he acknowledges you or communicates with you, is left
to be seen. What is important, is what YOU want to do about the
way YOU communicate and relate with boss. Remember, change starts
with You! I would be asking myself the followjng questions:
- Do I want to establish
a relationship with my boss? If I do, how will that help or
hinder me? If I don’t, how will that help or hinder me,
both at the professional and personal levels of my life.
- If I do want to
establish a relationship with my boss, then what type of relationship
do I want to establish, and why? Sometimes we want to establish
relationships with people based on our own personal needs. For
example, I am an emotionally relating person by nature, so I
like to have close bonds with people. This is not necessarily
a good way to relate with people across all environments.
- What type of relationship
can I realistically establish with my boss? Here, have a closer
look at yourself, your boss and the type of environment you
work in. Look from an outsider’s point of view, with an
open mind and heart. This is where the ‘openness’
and ‘loving’ aspect of relating and communicating
comes into play. For example, can I realistically expect a:
- ‘ad-hoc casual relationship’, whereby my boss
and I communicate infrequently, only on a needs basis, and he
does not know my name or what I do. Is this enough for me? Why,
why not?
- ‘cordial greeting relationship’, whereby my boss
and I greet each other when we see each other, but he doesn’t
know my name or what I do. IS this enough for me? Why, why not?
- ‘intentional greeting relationship’ , whereby
my boss and I greet each other when we see each other, and he
knows my name and what I do. Is this enough for me? Why, why
not?
- ‘intentional technological relationship’, where
my boss knows my name and I communicate to him on a regular
basis by means of e-mail. Is this enough for me? Why, why not?
- ‘intentional personal relationship’, whereby my
boss knows my name and I communicate with him on a regular basis,
by means of a regularly scheduled personal meeting. Is this
enough for me? Why, why not?
- How am I going to
do this? First of all, choose, as objectively and realistically
as possible, the type of relationship that you currently have
with your boss, and work up from there. For example, if you
have an ‘ad-hoc casual relationship’ and you are
not happy with this, try to move to a ‘cordial greeting
relationship’. I would do this by greeting my boss whenever
I see him/her without expectation or judgement. If you want
to evolve an ‘intentional technological’ or ‘intentional
personal’ relationship, I would actually write an e-mail
or meet your boss to discuss what you want to do and why you
want to do it. For example, be sure to communicate why you like
working for the company, and how you would like to contribute
in making the place more effective and efficient. I started
to send one of my bosses very brief and interesting summaries
of my work each month. I really tried to understand what motivated
and interested my boss and wrote the summaries from his perspective
eg. he was interested in the number of clients I saw and the
work I generated for the company, both formally (i.e. through
my position as project officer) and informally (i.e. some initiatives
I suggested to people in the workplace). Hence my report was
based on that.
- What are my strengths
and limitations as a communicator. If your intention is to foster
a relationship with your boss which is more personal, whereby
he knows who you are and what you do, ask yourself, what do
you know about your boss and what he does? What do you know
about him as an individual? How he works? What stresses him,
relaxes him and balances him as a worker. Just observe and notice.
Often, we are so focused on what we want from a situation, we
overlook what the other person, our communication partner may
be going through and is capable of at the time. I once worked
for a boss who everybody disliked. I was keen to learn why people
disliked him and why he managed people the way he did. After
12 months of observing his communication style, and questioning
why he acted a certain way, I realised that he was very stressed
working for a very powerful and controlling Director. I then
started to ‘pop into’ his office and ask how he
was going. I think he was so surprised that someone acknowledged
how he was, he was able to let his guard down and show his ‘human’
side. After three years of working for him, I was able to help
him make the necessary changes in the workplace to minimise
staff turnover. Although, this was not part of my job description,
I viewed it as a challenge and a means of making the environment
a more positive place to work in. I have found through experience,
that by living my beliefs and values and acting from a place
of integrity, openness and love, positive change usually occurs
naturally around me. Without expectation or judgement, suddenly
others are being more open and honest in their communication
with me.
- How do I want to
be seen in the workplace? It is often easy to succumb to a work
culture that we are opposed to. ‘If you can’t beat
them, join them’. It takes a lot of heart, integrity,
self awareness, confidence and compassion to align your behaviour
to your own beliefs and values. List how you would like your
boss to communicate with you, and then take on these communication
attributes for yourself. Observe what happens around you. Do
people’s communication change towards you? If so, how?
If not, why not? Make another list. Observe and be aware of
your intentions behind the way you communicate these qualities.
For example, is there an ‘I’m OK, You’re not
OK’ flavour behind the way you are communicating and viewing
other people’s responses. Be aware of your expectations
and judgements of others. This often colours the way we present
and communicate with the people in our environment.are
It is important to have
good relationships with people in our workplace, especially with
our boss. This can start with the willingness and courage to generate
a loving and open attitude towards the way we communicate with
people and the way we present ourselves, including our intentions
behind this. Many of us often sabotage our working relationships
and opportunities for evolving effective and efficient communication,
without consciously realising that we are doing it. It may be
the ‘victim’, ‘rebel’, ‘destroyer’
or even ‘rescuer’ part of us, that drives us to this
place. Hence, it is so important to reflect on our own strengths
and limitations as individuals, before pointing the finger at
others.
Hope this helps you
Speechless. Happy reflecting, communicating and relating.
Dana Baltutis
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